


I Hope She Was Worth It

by Georgialouisea



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Cheating Sam Winchester, Drunk Sam Winchester, F/M, Fighting, Fluff, Morning Sickness, Nausea, Pregnancy, Swearing, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-09-14 09:49:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16910670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Georgialouisea/pseuds/Georgialouisea
Summary: Your life with Sam Winchester was amazing until he broke your heart.





	1. Chapter 1

 

“Oh my God, I’m disgusting.” Groaning you crawled into the backseat of the Impala.

“Join the club.” Dean shut the driver's side door pulling a chunk of werewolf out of his hair.

“Ew.”

“Where’s Sam, I thought he was right behind us,” Dean asked looking over his shoulder at you.

“Me too, he’s on the phone.” Pointing towards the small clearing in the wooded area.

“Are you two okay?”

“Yeah, we’re fine why?”

“You just, no nothing.”

“Go on.”

“You just don’t seem as close as you used to be.”

“We’re fine, I mean Sam goes off does his own thing and I do mine, but I promise you we’re fine, plus if we break up you can kick his ass.”

“Well you’re not going to break up are you?”

“No Dean I have no intention of breaking up with your brother, I’m safe as your sister in law.”

“Mhm.” Dean’s brow rose. “Speaking of.” He leaned over opening the glove box pulling out the ring box that kept your engagement ring safe while you were off chasing monsters.

“Thanks.” Opening the box you slipped the ring onto your finger. 

 

_“Babe?” Sam walked out of the motel bathroom, towel wrapped around his waist._

_“Yeah?” Sitting up on the bed you looked up at him._

_“Let’s go out for dinner tonight.”_

_“Sounds good, lemme text Dean.” Reaching for your phone Sam’s arm darted out stopping you._

_“No just us.”_

_“Okay then, you done in there?”_

_“All yours.” Sam pulled you to your feet holding you close, his lips kissed along your jawline before making a stop at your lips. “I love you.”_

_“I love you too.” Kissing him back you disappeared into the bathroom._

_“Sam this place is fancy.” You whispered as he lead you towards a table following the waiter._

_“It’s nicer than our usual diners.”_

_“This will be expensive.”_

_“I’ve saved up it’s fine.”_

_“What why?” You asked taking a sip of your wine._

_“I wanted to treat you.”_

_“What for?”_

_“Because I love you.”_

_“I love you too.”_

_“I really love you, I had a whole speech planned but Y/N I love you, you’ve saved me literally, you’ve changed my life and Dean’s, you make me so happy every day.” His hand reached into his jacket pocket._

_“Sam-” You put your glass down watching as he got down on one knee opening up the ring box._

_“Y/N Y/L/N, will you marry me?”_

_“Yes! God yes!” You squealed falling to your knees wrapping your arms around his neck. “I love you.”_

_“I love you too.” Sam kissed you, his eyes dropping down to your hand as he slid the ring onto your finger._

 

“Hey!” Dean snapped his fingers in front of you.

“What?” You looked up taking in that the car was moving.

“You were completely zoned out.” Sam turned to look at you, his arm thrown over the back of the seat. “What were you thinking about?”

“When we got engaged.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.” You smiled at him.

“You two are disgusting.”

“Shut up.” You rolled your eyes, leaning forwards you kissed Sam, his fingers running through your hair holding you close.

“Hey-no!” Dean delivered a swift punch to Sam’s gut.

Sam pulled away from you, his hand covering the spot where Dean hit. “You dick.”

“I don’t want to see you two get it on.”

Shrugging you sat back in the back seat, Sam sat facing the road pulling out his phone you heard it ding every few seconds.

“Who ya texting?” Dean asked leaning over to get a look.

“No one.” Sam lied locking his phone, your stomach dropped.

“If you two are sexting again I swear-”

You felt nauseous, the movement of the car wasn’t helping, closing your eyes you rested your hand on your stomach, you were going to end up throwing up, you’s been fine all day but now you were floored. “Not me.” You held your hands up. “Dean, can you slow down a little? I don’t feel too good.”

“You what?” Sam turned around.

“I feel sick.” You sighed, the feeling in your stomach was getting worse with every rock of the Impala.

“Dean pull over.” Sam snapped.

The car swerved as Dean pulled over and threw her into park. Opening the door you pulled yourself out resting your hand against baby you spent God knows how long throwing up into the grass as Sam held your hair back in a makeshift ponytail as his hand ran up and down your back. “You good?” He whispered.

“Yeah.”

“Let’s get you home.” He helped you back into the car producing a makeshift bed out of a grubby pillow and blanket on the back seat.

-

Rolling over in bed your hand hit the cold sheets beside you, Sam must be showering or eating, your alarm clock glowed 5 pm into the dark room. You had no idea what day it was let alone how you got into bed. Pulling the sheets off yourself you looked down at yourself you were clean and in fresh pyjamas, your hair fell over your shoulders, a vague memory of showering with Sam or Sam showering you came forth in your haze. Standing up on shaky legs you began to walk down the halls. “Guys?”

“I’m in here!” Dean called from the kitchen. Following his voice you walked into the kitchen, Dean was sat at the table, his laptop open in front of him. “How are you feeling?” He asked never taking his eyes off his screen.

“Better, where’s Sam?”

“No idea, he left a few hours ago.” Dean looked up at you. “You sure you’re okay, you’re pretty pale.”

“Mhm.” Nodding you closed your eyes when you felt lightheaded.

“Y/N!” Dean’s chair scraped across the floor, his hands on you in seconds stopping you from hitting the floor. “Okay back to bed come on, let’s go.” He helped you to your feet.

“I’m okay.” You opened your eyes you tried to push against his chest.

“Sure you are.” He rolled his eyes. “Come on bed.”

“I’m engaged to your brother you know.”

“Yeah, shut up come on.” Dean helped you back into bed tucking you in he returned a few minutes later with his laptop, he threw all your clothes off the laundry chair in the corner and sat in it.

“What are you doing?” You whispered through half closed eyes.

“Making sure you’re okay and finding out where the hell Sam is.”

“Okay.” Closing your eyes you drifted off.

“Where the hell are you?” Dean hissed. “Well screw that I know where you are so explain now.” Dean stood up putting his laptop on your desk. “You know your fiancée is sick, she just nearly passed out in the kitchen.” He walked out of your room but he was only just outside. “Why? You’re kidding me right?” His voice got louder. Rolling over you sat up trying to listen.”Get home now!” Dean shouted making you jump. “Because I’m the oldest and I’m going to kick your ass when you’re home.” He hung up freezing when he saw you looking at him. “Sorry did I wake you?”

“No.” Sitting against the headboard you watched Dean. “Where is he?”

“In town, he got so engrossed in what he’s doing.” He sighed. “You feel okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Want some grub?”

“Yes, I’ll come help.”

“Nope stay here.” Dean left you alone, settling back in bed you grabbed your phone your finger hovering over the find my friends app. Sam wouldn’t lie about where he was and Dean wouldn’t lie to you, but the feeling in your gut made you want to throw up again.

“Hey.” Sam smiled at you dropping his gym bag to the floor. “Are you okay? Dean said you’re still sick.”

“I’m okay.”

“Sorry I left, I thought while you were asleep I could get a few things done.” He crawled into bed next to you.

“It’s fine, have you had a nice afternoon?”

“I went to the gym, library, boring stuff.” He groaned as his head hit the pillow next to you. “Are you sure you’re okay you look a little pale.”

“I’ve only just woke up.” Settling into Sam’s arms you closed your eyes, easily falling asleep again.

-

“Hey Y/N?” Dean’s voice bounced down the halls. “Where are you?”

You could hear him walking towards your room, you were currently sat with your head over the toilet bowl, your breakfast making a reappearance.

“Hey.” Dean flung the bathroom door open, his hands were pulling your hair out of your face. Sitting back you rested your head against the tiled wall, Dean’s hand rested on your cheek. “Okay you’re getting worse, let’s get you to the Doctors.” He slapped his knee standing up.

“No, no I’ll be fine just help me back to bed.” You held your hands out. Dean grabbed them slowly helping you to your feet, the movement made your stomach roll.

“Fine but when Sam gets back he’ll agree with me.” Dean handed you your toothbrush.

“Where is he?” Asking through a mouthful of toothpaste.

“Library.”

“Not like we have our own.”

“Apparently there's a really old book he’s reading, I don’t know.”

“Huh.”

“What?”

“Nothing.” Spitting the toothpaste out you rinsed your mouth out before looking up at him. “He’s just never here anymore.”

“He likes his Sam time.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Right.” He helped you back into bed. “Get some sleep, I’m calling him and you’re going to the Doctors.”

“Yes, Doctor Winchester.” You saluted him as you shuffled down in the bed.

“Go to sleep.”

“What are you playing at? Why wouldn’t you answer your phone?” Dean yelled from across the bunker.

“Shut up you’ll wake her.”

“She’s out like a light.”

“Still shut up.”

“No - where were you?”

“Library.”

“Bullshit, what is it?”

“What?”

“What are you hiding?”

“Nothing.” Sam sighed.

Grabbing your fluffy robe you tied it around yourself as soon as you stepped out of the room the yelling intensified, walking into the war room Sam froze looking over Dean’s shoulder at you. “Baby, you okay?” Sam walked around Dean practically shoving him out of the way.

Nodding you wrapped your arms around his waist, smiling when his arms wrapped around you. “What are you guys talking about?” You asked already knowing.

“A case.” Sam lied again.

“Oh yeah, where?” You pulled away from him enough to look up at him.

“Well, Ohio but you’re not coming.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re sick and Dean doesn’t want you puking in baby.”

“I’m fine.”

“Sure, you’re going to stay here relax and get better.”

“You sure you don’t need me?”

“I don’t think you’d be much help.” Sam smiled at you.

“Rude.” Pulling your arms from him you folded them across your chest.

“You know what I mean.”

“Sure, are you guys leaving tonight?”

“Tomorrow.” Dean interrupted.

“Okay.”

You spent most of your day watching TV with the boys, Sam’s hand ran up and down your back as you lay on his chest. “I love you, you know that?” He whispered.

“I love you too.”

-

You woke up alone again, a pattern that has been occurring more and more.

“Hey, Dean?” You sat up in bed the room spinning slightly.

“Yeah?” He walked into your room. “What’s up?”

Pointing to the empty space next to you, you looked up at him.

“Running.”

“Sure.”

“What?” He asked leaning against the door frame.

“Nothing, I’m tired It’s fine.”

“You keep on lying.” Dean folded his arms across his chest.

“Do you think there’s something going on with him?”

“No, I think he’s stressed, we have a lot going on.”

“I know, I’m sure he’s fine.” The look Dean gave you told you he was lying to your face.

“We’re heading out later.”

“Are you sure you don’t need my help?”

“COmpletely, like Sam said stay and recover.”

“Okay.” Sighing you fell back into the pillows.

“Please go to the Doctors.”

“I’ll go tomorrow.” Covering your eyes with your arm you took a few deep breaths.

“Okay.” Dean walked towards your bed and sat down next to you. “I’ll talk to Sammy okay?”

“No, you don’t have to.”

“It’s fine, you want anything?”

“Nah, I’m okay, I’m just going to rest for a little while.” You sat up giving him a hug. “Thank you.” You let him go resting back in the pillows you closed your eyes.

-

There was a deafening silence in the bunker, you knew Sam and Dean were gone. Grabbing one of Sam’s hoodies you pulled it over your head, walking towards the kitchen you realised how good you were feeling, no sickness no dizziness. Pouring yourself a cup of coffee you let it sit on the counter, opening the fridge you smiled as a pink note sat at your eye level, a plate of food behind it.

‘Eat something, I love you, Sam x’

Pulling out the plate he’d made you a few different sandwiches, grabbing a cheese sandwich you sat at the table flicking through the cosmo you’d purchased a few weeks ago. Taking a sip of coffee you continued to read the article, ever so slowly the feeling began to creep back into your stomach, abandoning your coffee cup you ran to the sink throwing up once again.

Your phone rang from your bedroom, wiping your mouth you turned off the tap and walked back to your room, picking it up you answered.

“Hello?”

“Y/N.”

“Jody, hey what’s up?”

“You okay? You sound off, did I wake you?”

“No, I was up, I’m sick I keep throwing up, I’ll get over it, what’s up?”

“Y/N are you pregnant?”

“What? No.”

“You’re sure?”

“Well, no but I can’t be.”

“Well, then what’s wrong with you?”

After talking to Jody for a few minutes you felt sick once again.

“Really?”

“Yeah, get your ass down to the pharmacy.”

“Christ.” You ran your hand down your face. “Okay, okay, I will, I’ll go now, wait, Jody - don’t tell anyone, not even Sam.”

“I won’t, call me back okay?”

“Sure.”

-

Sitting on the bathroom floor next to your phone and 3 positive tests you hit dial on Jody’s number.

“Hi.”

“How’d it go?”

“I’m pregnant.”

“Congrats!” You could hear her smile as she spoke.

“Yeah, thanks.” You tried to sound happy as you rested your head against the wall.

“What? What’s wrong? Is it Sam?”

“No, I’m okay, Sam and I there’s something off with us right now, this, this could break us.”

“Sweetie it won’t.” She sighed.

“I don’t know, I’m going to go, I don’t feel great.”

“Okay, keep yourself healthy and tell Sam as soon as possible yeah?”

“I will love you.”

“Love you too.”

What appeared to be a quick and easy case turned out to be much more complicated and many weeks, the boys were led across 4 states, hunting 7 different types of monsters as each case interlinked.

Sitting in the war room your fingers traced over the scan photos in your hand, tracing the tiny silhouettes you smiled.

Your phone rang next to you, picking it up you smiled to yourself.

“Hello?”

“Hey, you okay?” Sam asked.

“Yeah, I’m good.” You dropped the photo onto the table. “What’s up?”

“Can you help us, research-wise?”

“Of course, what’s going on?”

“We have no idea what this last thing is.”

“Text me all the details so I can read them my brain isn't functioning correctly.”

“Done it.”

“Got it.” You heard your phone vibrate next to your ear. “Are you two okay?”

“We’re fine how are you?”

“I’m good Sammy, what state are you in today?”

“Texas.”

“Is it nice?”

“It’s fine, but I miss you so damn much.”

“I miss you too.”

“Whenever you get a chance give us your insight you’re so much smarter than we are.”

“Flattery will get you everywhere.”

“I know, Dean’s back, I’ll call you later, I love you.”

“Love you too.”

As Sam hung up you walked into your shared room grabbing your laptop, turning it on you watched as it froze and died. With a huff, you got up and grabbed the one Sam hardly ever used anymore, typing in his password you relaxed when it logged in.

“What in the hell are you two hunting?” You asked yourself grabbing your phone you jotted down notes on the pad next to you.

As soon as Sam’s laptop loaded up and connected to the wifi texts began to come through, some from you, Dean, Cas but 99% of them were from ‘E’, you only caught glimpses of the texts as the notifications flooded in but what you saw made you sick.

Opening up the messages app you knew you shouldn’t be snooping on your fiance but what you’d seen was enough to tell you he was no longer that.

**_“I’m waiting Sam.”  
_ _“Sun down motel room 201”  
_ _“I love you too.”  
_ ** _“Leave her.”_

You read what she’d sent.

__**“5 minutes out.”  
** **“I love you too.”  
** **“I will.”**

As you read Sam’s replies you felt nausea hit you like a truck, running to the bathroom you threw up, your stomach was empty as you heaved over the toilet bowl, tears streaming down your face.

It took you nearly an hour to move from the bathroom, you ignored every phone call you got. Grabbing a suitcase you threw in what you needed, clothes, jewellery that meant something, shoes, a few pictures and your guns. Zipping it up you left the room a mess, not giving a shit anymore, grabbing the keys for the truck Dean had fixed you loaded up the back.

Taking a burner phone you put in the numbers you needed, Bobby, Jody and Dean.

Removing your engagement ring you left it next to your phone on the war room table, taking one of the scan photos you had, you placed it onto the table, grabbing a notepad you scribbled down a note to your now ex-fiancé.

‘I hope she was worth it.’

 


	2. I Hope She Was Worth It - Part 2

 

Pulling into the 24-hour store you threw the car into park, reaching for your phone you clicked dial.

“Y/N, what’s wrong?”

"Jody, I’m about an hour away can I stay with you for a little while?”

“Of course you can, are you okay?”

“Thank you, no, please don’t tell them where I am.”

“I won’t just drive safe okay?”

“I will, promise.” Pulling your phone away from your ear you rested your head against the window blinking away the tears that were rapidly forming. “Get it together.” Whispering to yourself you carried on to Sioux Falls.

-

_“Y/N! We’re home!” Sam called as Dean shut the bunker door behind him, all the lights were off, every single one. “Y/N?” He called again as he reached the bottom of the stairs he pulled his gun out, silently his bag hit the floor as he started towards your room. He silently crept towards your room, his gun cocked and out in front of him as he walked into the room he froze._

_The room was a mess, you’d never willingly leave it in such a state, you got beyond pissed at Sam when he’d leave his socks on the floor. Sam’s clothes were everywhere, drawers and cupboards were open all your clothes gone, on the floor lay his old laptop was smashed a dent in the wall above it made his stomach drop._

_“Sam! Sammy!” Dean shouted from the war room._

_Spinning he ran towards his brother's voice, his gun still in his hand. “What? Did you find her?” He asked walking into the now lit room._

_“Erm, no.” His eyes fell to the table. “You should.” Dean took a few steps away from the table._

_Sam’s brow furrowed as he walked closer, his eyes first finding the sonogram he picked it up his thumb tracing over it as he dropped his gun onto the table. “She’s pregnant.”_

_“Sam, look again.” Dean’s eyes dropped as he swallowed hard._

_Sam’s eyes returned to the table._

_‘I hope she was worth it.’_

_Your handwriting scrawled across a notepad, your engagement ring sat next to it._

_“She-”_

_“You fucking idiot.” Dean’s fist clenched by his side. “Fucking idiot.”_

_“Did you know?” Sam spun to face his brother. “Did you know she was pregnant?”_

_“No, of course, I didn’t know, I kind of suspected but I didn’t know for sure.”_

_Sam slumped into the chair picking up your engagement ring. “What have I done?” He whispered._

_“You fucked up, majorly, that’s what you’ve done.”_

_-_

Knocking on Jody’s door at 3 am she flung it open pulling you inside. “What is it?” She asked holding you at arm's length.

Shaking your head you felt your knees buckle slightly, Jody held you up, her grip helping you to the sofa bed.

“Okay let’s get you changed and get some sleep.” She settled you against the kitchen counter as she hauled your bags inside, she searched through them as you slumped to the floor.

“What the f… Y/N?” Claire rubbed her eyes as she walked towards you sitting on the floor next to you.

“She’s staying with us for a while.” Jody zipped up your case handing you some mismatched pyjamas.

“Do you want my bed?”

Shaking your head you stroked her hair. “No, I’m okay with the sofa bed, I’m okay.”

“Sure you are.” Claire rolled her eyes at Jody.

“Claire-” Jody snapped making you flinch. “Sorry, okay, go change into these, you want anything to eat or drink?”

“Water please.” Standing up Claire helped you up her hands ghosting over you.

“You sure you don’t want the vodka?” She raised a brow at you.

“Yes, but I can’t.”

“What - oh my God you’re pregnant!” She looked up at you.

“Yeah, I am.” Nodding you turned around to go and change in the bathroom. Opening the door you listened to Claire and Jody talk.

“She’s not here, she’s not pregnant to your knowledge and you haven’t seen or heard from her from a believable point in time, okay?” Jody whispered.

“Got it, what about her car want me to move it?”

“Bobby’s sorting it.”

“Is she okay?”

“No.”

“Can I stay with her tonight?” Claire asked.

“If she’s fine with it yes.”

“Okay.”

Throwing your clothes into your open bag you crawled into the creaky sofa bed, pulling the covers up around you.

“Y/N, can I stay with you tonight?” Claire whispered. Nodding you pulled back the covers for her to get in beside you, she shuffled under the covers trying to keep her distance. “Whatever happened I’m sorry.” Her voice was low as you watched Jody walk around the room and turn off the lamps.

“Shout if you need me.”

“I will, thank you for letting me stay.”

“It’s fine darling, goodnight girls.” She smiled turning off the last lamp.

“Y/N?” Claire whispered.

“Yeah?”

“Are you okay?”

“I will be.” With a sigh you reached out for her in the darkness, as soon as your hand touched her shoulder she rolled over hugging you, her head resting on your shoulder.

“Are you-”

“Can we please not, not tonight.”

“Okay.” You felt her arm wrap across your waist. “I’m here.”

“I know.”

Claire had been like your little sister for years, you’d pulled her out of many a struggle or squeeze. She was a strong hunter, sure she made mistakes but she was strong, she felt like your responsibility she wasn’t family through blood but she was family. Having her close made you feel save, for once you felt like she could protect you more than you could her. Closing your hand you felt her hand grab yours squeezing it over your stomach.

-

“Good morning.” Jody stood over the sofa bed a smile on her face. “What can and can’t you smell and eat, I know I was hell when I was pregnant.”

“Probably easier to make you a list.”

“Sure I’ll grab you a notepad.” Looking down she smiled again, Claire was hugging your side, her arm thrown across your waist. “I can’t believe how fast you’re big sister again.” Jody handed you a pen and paper.

“I know, I’ve missed you guys.”

“Us too.” Scrawling down a list you handed it back to her, your hand falling onto Claire's head. “This it?”

“So far, just kick me out when you want to eat.”

“Nope.”

“I’m a guest Jody, you eat what you want to.”

“So It doesn’t matter.” Jody stopped talking when her phone rang for the tenth time this morning alone. “Hello?” She picked it up glancing at you. “Hey Sam, long time, what? … No, I haven’t why what’s happened?” She sat down next to you. “Oh, no I haven’t heard from her, If I hear anything I’ll call you right away.” She smiled at you. “Yeah, see you later, stay safe boys.”

She pulled the phone from her ear and put it on the table next to the sofa bed.  “You want to talk about it?”

“Not yet.”

“Okay, well we’re here, we all are.”

“Thanks.” Smiling at her you shook Claire’s shoulder. “Come on get up.”

“No.” She mumbled into your side.

“Yes.”

“With the Mom voice already?” She asked sitting up scowling at you.

“Yup.”

“We’re in for a great few months then.” She sighed running her hand through her hair.

-

_“I need to find her.” Sam pulled his phone out of his pocket loading up the app to locate his contacts, as he loaded it up it said you were right by him, turning around he found your phone smashed in the library._

_“Sam.” Dean sighed. “Why?” Dean’s hands still flexed by his side. “Why did you do it?”_

_“Shut up, I need to find her.”_

_Dean took a few strides towards his brother, his fist connecting with his cheek, Sam stumbled backwards his hand flying to his cheek. “What the fuck?”_

_“No, just shut up.” Dean snapped. “Just shut up.”_

_-_

Everyone fell into a new routine at Jody’s, Alex was so happy to have you staying, she hadn’t seen you in months so to see you every day she was elated. Claire stuck by your side daily and insisted on sleeping in the same room as you, every night you didn’t miss the gun she slipped under the pillow or the blade and holy water under the bed. Jody lied to Sam daily, when her phone rang and she left the room you knew it was Sam on the other end, she left you with either Claire or Alex when she left for work.

It had only been 6 days since you’d been living at Jody’s but it had also been 6 days since you left the house or been outside, you needed to get outside. After a day of shopping and hanging out with Claire you walked back into Jody’s dropping your bags to the floor you fell onto the couch, Claire falling down beside you. Alex emerged from the room In her pyjamas rubbing her eyes.

“Afternoon,” Claire smirked.

“I’ve been on a night shift.” Alex yawned.

Opening your arms you smiled at her as she staggered forwards flopping down onto you, her head resting on your chest.

“You want anything?”

“A hug.” She squeezed you.

“Want to watch a movie?” Claire asked.

“Yeah.” Alex sighed.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go back to sleep?” Running your hand over her hair you smiled as she relaxed into you.

“No, I’m good.”

“Great, so Mean Girls or White Chicks?” Claire asked as the door flung open hitting the door. Claire was up in a second her gun pointed at the door as you shielded Alex from the possible threat.

“It’s only me.” Jody held her hands up with 2 full bags of shopping in her hands. “God Claire, calm down.”

-

Someone was shouting downstairs, no screaming, sitting up you got out of Claire’s bed, pulling your jumper over your head you padded down the hallway.

“No!” Jody hissed. “Shut up Alex is sleeping.”

“Hell no, tell me where she is.”

“She’s not here.”

“Then where?”

“I don’t know Sam, If I did I’d tell you.”

“So she’s not upstairs?”

“No, she’s not.”

Walking downstairs you kept your eyes on the floor, the last thing you wanted was to see him. “Leave.”

“Y/N, oh my God, you’re okay.” Sam’s arms wrapped around you. “You’re okay?”

“Leave.” You fought against him. “Get off me.”

“Sam.” Dean’s voice was deep and laced with warning.

Sam’s arms dropped from you, he took a step backwards. “Let’s go home.” He held a hand out towards you.

“No, Sam leave.”

“Y/N.”

Looking up at him you wiped away the tears from your cheeks, Jody, Claire and Alex stood in the room their eyes on you.

“Leave.” You repeated as your heart hammered in your chest.

“Y/N let me explain.”

“No, no, you don’t get to come here acting like the scared and worried fiance after what you’ve done.”

“Let me explain.”

“No, just go.” You took a step forwards. “Leave.”

“Y/N.” His voice dropped.

“You want to explain go ahead.”

“I think we should talk alone.”

“No, you want to explain so badly, go ahead, explain why Sam.” The rage you’d suppressed was now fueling you. “Explain to me why you’ve been fucking another woman for God knows how long.”

“What?” Jody snapped.

“Y/N.” Sam tried again.

“Go ahead, explain.”

“I…”

“Get out.” You sighed resting against the wall.

“Y/N?” Dean took a step towards you.

“I’m fine, please go.”

“Sam, come on.” Dean grabbed his brother's arm.

“Y/N please -”

“Why? Why wasn’t I good enough, why wasn’t I enough? Am I not pretty enough? Did I do something wrong? Am I too fat?”

“No.”

“Then why?” You screamed at him.

“I don’t know why.”

“Okay, this is over, Dean get him out of here.” Jody took a step forwards.

“No.” Sam pulled his arm from Dean’s grasp. “No Y/N, please let’s talk.”

“Out,” Claire growled cocking her gun.

Sam only glanced at her before he took a step towards you. Claire squeezed the trigger aiming right next to Sam’s head leaving a hole in the wall.

“Jesus Claire, what the fuck?” Dean yelled.

“Get. Out.” Claire spat.

“We’re leaving.” Dean grabbed Sam’s arm and pulled him towards the door.

“Y/N.” Sam looked at you with tears in his eyes. “Please.”

“Go fuck yourself, Sam Winchester.” You watched his face drop as Dean shoved him out of the house and Jody slammed the door shut.

“He cheated on you?” Alex whispered walking towards you.

“Yeah.” With a nod, you slid to the floor.

“Oh my God.” Alex sat down next to you.

“Y/N - I…” Claire stammered.

“Don’t.” You looked up at her. “Please don’t.”

“Okay, come here.” Jody held her hands out taking them you were helped to your feet. “Let’s get something to eat.”

No one said anything during dinner, you all ate in an awkward silence helping Jody clean up you quickly disappeared up to Claire’s room, when she wasn’t using it, it was yours.

Crawling under the covers you pulled them up to your chin, closing your eyes you took deep breaths trying to calm yourself down.

“You okay?” Jody asked settling on the end of the bed.

“I’m fine.”

“Don’t lie.” She smiled at you.

“Okay fine.” Sitting up you squeezed your eyes closed when your head spun. “Okay, I’m pregnant with twins, homeless, single and the love of my life has been fucking someone else for - well I don’t know how long.”

“Twins?” Jody’s brow furrowed as she tried to fight a smile.

“Yeah.” You smiled at your non-existent bump.

“Well okay, for one you’re going to be an amazing Mother, you’re not homeless you’re living here and Sam is an idiot.”

Taking her hand you gave it a squeeze. “Thank you.”

“It’s okay.” She smiled at you. “We’re going to be okay.”

Every day for 2 weeks Sam sat outside Jody’s until she had a patrol car stationed outside her house. Each day they’d escort Sam off her property.

_“Sam stop it.” Dean drove along as his brother stumbled along the road towards Jody’s. “This is going to end with you in the car or getting arrested again, and Jody won’t go easy on you this time.”_

_“I don’t care.”_

_“Well, you should.”_

_“I need to see her, tell her.”_

_“Sam, she doesn’t want to see you or talk to you.” Dean sped up in front of his brother throwing the Impala into park he walked towards Sam meeting him halfway._

_“She does.”_

_“She doesn’t and Claire will kill you if you go near Y/N again.”_

_“I need her.”_

_“We all do but you threw that away Sam.”_

_“Why?” Sam fell against the trunk of baby. “Why did I do it?”_

_“I don’t know, you’re a fucking idiot, you had everything and you fucking threw it all away.” Dean hissed as he opened the door for Sam to get into. “Get in, now.”_

_“No.”_

_“Yes.”_

_“No, I need to see her.”_

_“You see her when she wants to see you, for now you get in the car we get you sobered up and you stay away.”_

_Watching from one of the upstairs windows you knew Sam was drunk as he staggered alongside the Impala, Dean tried his best to move him into the car and away from Jody’s house. Your window was open and you could hear everything Sam was shouting._

_“I love her.”_

_“I know you do but you need to get into the car now!” Dean shouted. “Get in the car now! Don’t bother her, or stress her out, it’s the least you can do for your babies and her okay, leave her alone for now!” Dean shoved Sam into the car._

Watching from a distance your chest hurt, everything hurt, you felt sick as you watched Sam stagger about and Dean push him into the backseat.

“If you want to talk to him we’ll sober him up.” Jody offered from the doorway.

“No, I can’t talk to him, not right now, I just want my Sam back and I know I’ll never get him back.” Your head rested in your hands as you heard the Impala’s doors shut in the distance. 

 


	3. Chapter 3

 

Sleeping on the couch at Jody’s every day was slowly taking its toll on your body, but every night as soon as your head hit the pillow you were out like a light.

It had been a few days since you’d heard anything from Sam, you heard car doors and shouting outside each night, you knew it was Sam and Dean, you knew it was Dean following a drunk Sam and driving him to a motel. Instead of looking or getting up you held a pillow to your ear blocking out the noise.

“Y/N.” Jodie’s voice was muffled as you opened your eyes.

Sitting up pillows and blankets fell away from you, you weren’t even facing in the same direction you’d fallen asleep in. “What the?” Untangling your arm from the blanket.

“Restless sleep?” She asked handing you a cup of tea.

“Yeah.”

Jody sat down in your mess of blankets. “How are you feeling?”

“Better today.” Taking a sip you settled into the pillows.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, I just need to make a plan.”

“With what?”

“Well I need to find a place to live, I had a plan before … before Sam, I knew which room was going to be the nursery, I knew which rooms they were going to have as they grew up, I had a plan, now I have nothing.”

“Y/N, you don’t have nothing, you have me and the girls, you can stay here for as long as you need to, I know it’s pretty cramped here.”

“I know and I’m so grateful for everything you’ve done for me.”

“What can I do to help?” She sat forwards her hand resting on your knee.

“I don’t know, not yet, I need to make a list or something.”

“That I can help with.” She stood up and walked towards the kitchen, she moved like a whirlwind around the kitchen returning with a notepad and a pen. “Here.” She held them out to you.

Running your hand through your hair you took a deep and shaky breath.

“Hey.” Jody sat next to you, her hand resting on your cheek, her thumb wiping away a tear. “Shh, listen we’ve got this, you’ve got this, I have the day off so we can do this together okay?”

“Okay.” Nodding you watched her grab the pen.

“So, sorting out a car, new place, Doctors appointments.” She read aloud as she scribbled.

“Sounds right.” Settling down you began to relax slightly, seeing it written down was helping.

‘Talk to Sam’ should probably be on there, it should probably be number 1.

Jody’s phone rang from the kitchen, she handed over the pad and pen before getting up.

“Hello? Yes, it is.” She answered the phone walking further into the kitchen. “What? Oh for God’s sake, yes, no! Don’t, I’ll be there in ten minutes.” She pulled her phone from her ear with a sigh. “Okay, I have to go to work, you going to be okay?”

“I’ll be fine, you go keep the town safe.” Waving her off you looked down at the pad in your lap.

-

You’d spent a few hours actually searching for a place to live, a few phone calls and emails later you had viewings set up for the afternoon. Making a small dent in it made it all seem less overwhelming, it was a small step but still a step.

It was midday you were tired and hungry, after a quick shower and a lengthy battle with a pair of jeans, you were a few minutes away from the station. The cab driver dropped you off outside, paying him you walked inside. Smiling at Richard who ran the front desk you walked towards him. “Hey, is Jody in?”

“Yes, she’s in her office.” He stood up letting you through the security door. “She is with someone though.”

“I’ll knock, thanks, Richard.”

“You’re welcome, dear.”

Knocking on her door you waited for a response. “Jody it’s me.”

“Come in.” She called through the door.

Opening the door you froze when you saw the back of Dean’s head, he sat across from Jody his head in his hands.

“Dean?” Closing the door you were on your knees on the floor in front of him in seconds your hand on his knee. “What’s happened?”

He lifted his head from his hands, the moment his eyes met yours he hauled you into his lap his arms holding you close to his chest. “I’ve missed you so much.”

“I’ve missed you too.” Stroking your fingers through his hair. “What’s happened?” You asked as he rested his head on your shoulder.

“Sam’s drunk.” He mumbled. “Again.”

“What?” Pulling away from him his head lulled before he held himself up.

“Sam’s in a cell, he’s still pretty drunk,” Jody spoke.

“Oh.” You felt your body tense up.

“You don’t have to see him.” She walked around her desk her hand resting on your shoulder. “I promise.”

“I-”

“Sheriff we need you.” The door slammed against the wall as an officer disappeared into the bustle of the station.

“I have to go, Dean look after her.”

“Yes, ma’am.” His arm around your waist tightened.

Watching as the door closed behind her you closed your eyes resting your head on Dean’s chest. “I… I…”

“What?” He whispered.

“I-”

“Okay calm down.” His hand rested on your back. “I’m here.”

It took a few minutes before you could focus or even breathe properly. You stayed in Dean’s arms, his hand running up and down your back.

“I just want to wake up and all of this be a bad dream.”

“Everything?” He whispered.

“Not everything.” Glancing down you looked up at him with tears in your eyes. “Not them.”

“Didn’t think so.”

“I want to be home, I want to - I want my Sam back.”

“I know.”

“Why Dean? Why?”

“I don’t know darlin’, I don’t know.”

Squeezing your eyes closed you begged the tears to stop falling, but they didn’t, they only got worse. Dean didn’t even flinch when his shirt got soaked through, his hand continued its pattern on your back. After God knows how long you sat up wiping your eyes, thanking your lazy self that you didn’t put on any makeup.

“Can I be really high maintenance and ask you to take me to get some food?”

“How is that high maintenance?” Shrugging, he gave you a final hug, standing up you rested against Jody’s desk for support. “So where and what do you want to eat?”

“Everything.”

“No seriously?”

“Seriously, everything, anything.”

“Right, come on, let’s go on a mystery food tour.” Dean held his hand out towards you. Taking it you let him lead you out of Jody’s office into the craziness of the station.

Looking up you watched as two officers pulled a man towards the cells, his head was down but you’d recognise him anywhere. Sam was handcuffed, his head down as he let the officers pull him across the floor.

You froze, your legs refusing to move, your whole focus was on Sam. He was exhausted, either hungover or still drunk, he wasn’t okay, he’d completely submitted.

“Y/N.” Jody walked towards you and Dean.

“Yeah? Is he okay?”

“He’s going to be fine, Dean can you -”

“We’re getting lunch it’s fine.” Dean pulled you closer to him.

“He -” You stopped when Sam looked up his eyes met yours as an officer took off the cuffs.

“Y/N.” He took a step forward, the officer’s palm pushed against his chest causing Sam to stumble backwards. “Y/N please.”

“Shut up.” The officer in front of him snapped.

“Go home okay?” Jody stepped in front of you, blocking your view of Sam. “Y/N, go home with Dean, we’ll talk about everything later okay?”

Nodding you looked away from the cell, away from Sam.

“Come on.” Dean’s arm wrapped around your waist pulling you towards the door.

-

“Y/N? Y/N?” Dean clicked his fingers in front of your face.

“What?” You blinked focusing on you.

“You were completely zoned out.” He sat down next to you on Jody’s couch.

You were officially missing time, the last thing you remembered was being in the station, Sam was in a cell.

“Y/N, you’ve gone again.”

“Shit, sorry I can’t focus.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Dean, what the hell happened? What the fuck is going on? Why am I so upset, I feel guilty, I feel bad and like this is all my fault.”

“Firstly, none of this is your fault, none of it, you feel bad because Sam’s a mess, he’s a mess because he fucked up, not you, him, he’s been drinking every day since you left, he goes to bars gets blackout drunk and walks back.”

Your head fell into your hands as you listened to Dean speak.

“Or he sits and drinks alone, we’ve fought a lot but I need you to know I’m on your side, he’s my brother but he’s a fucking idiot.”

“There shouldn’t besides.” You sighed.

“It shouldn’t have ever happened.”

“But it did.” You stood up leaving Dean alone on the couch. “It did.” Your phone rang from the kitchen counter, picking it up you answered immediately. “Hello?”

“Hi, is this Miss Y/L/N? I’m Julie with Hanson's realtors, I’m just calling to check you’re on your way to the apartment as I’ve been here for a few minutes.”

“Oh, yes I am, sorry I’m running a little late, I’ll be there in ten minutes is that okay?”

“Of course Miss Y/L/N.”

“Thanks, Julie, see you soon.” Pulling your phone away from your ear you looked at Dean. “Shit.”

“What is it?” He stood up and walked towards you.

“Can you please drive me across town, I have an apartment to view … well ten minutes ago.”

“You’re really moving out?”

“For now yes I am, can you please take me?”

“Sure, where are we going?”

\--

“Can I just say, you two are adorable.” Julie grinned at you and Dean as she finished off the tour.

“We-”

“Thank you.” Dean interrupted you, his fingers interlinking with yours giving your hand a squeeze.

“So what do we think?” Julie asked with a smile.

“Y/N?” Dean gave your hand another squeeze.

“I love it, when is the earliest I … we can move in?”

“You’re lucky the owner wants someone in as soon as possible so two days.”

“Yes.”

“Yes?” She grinned at you.

“Yeah.” Smiling at her you watched her walk off her phone pressed to her ear in seconds.

“You’re sure?” Dean whispered.

“Positive.”

“You know you’re not getting rid of me right?”

“Wouldn’t dream of it, Winchester.” Your hand fell to your bump, Dean hugged you holding you close to his chest.

“Okay, the ball is rolling.” Julie walked back into the living room, she paused looking at you both. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Smiling at her Dean pulled away from you.

Her eyes followed your hand. “You’re pregnant? Congratulations, oh the third bedroom will make such a beautiful nursery.”

“Yeah, it will.” You smiled at her trying so hard not to cry, Dean’s hand rested on your back, his thumb stroking across your back, the tiny movement grounded you. It was something Sam had always done, his hand on your back as his thumb ran across your body, during a hunt or an interview he was always there to ground you, now it was Dean who was there.

“Oh, I’m so happy for you both.”

“Thank you.” Keeping up the fake smile you followed her out of the apartment.

-

“What’s happened?” Jody asked dropping her keys on the counter.

“Shh.” Dean hissed, you were semi-conscious now, your eyes were closed but you could hear everything. “She’s asleep.” You stayed still your head still in Dean’s lap as his hand rested on your head, his thumb running across your hair.

“Good, we need to talk.” You listened as she sat opposite you and Dean.

“About Sam?”

“And Y/N too.” Jody sighed.

“She’s got a place, it’s nice only ten minutes from here.”

“What? How do you know?”

“I went with her, the realtor thought we were together and I kind of made her run with it, she likes it and she can move in two days.”

“You’re serious?”

“Completely, Jody she isn’t doing great at all, she’s blaming herself, she feels guilty.”

“I knew she would that’s why I didn’t want her to see him.”

“What are we going to do?” Dean asked his hand running across your back.

“We’re going to move her in, she isn’t going to be alone ever.”

“Okay.”

“Sam is another issue, we need to get him straight, we need to get him together and sober.” Jodie continued.

“They need to talk, as much as I hate the thought of it, I hate the thought of him lying to her makes my blood boil, but they do, Sam will continue to drink himself into oblivion, Y/N she’ll distance herself and spiral, she’s already moving out of here.” Dean’s hand stopped on your back. “I’m more worried about her.”

“I think we all are.”

Rolling over you faced Jody, opening your eyes you gave her a small smile. “Hi.”

“Ho are you feeling?”

“Fine.” Shrugging you settled on the pillow on Dean’s lap. “I’m so tired but fine.” Feeling your eyes start to close again your palm rested on your tiny bump. “Do you guys want me to leave and sleep elsewhere?”

“No, you’re fine, sleep away.” Jody smiled waving her hand at you. “You sleep, sweetie.” Closing your eyes you were exhausted both mentally and physically, curling up Dean’s hand returned to your back.

“Dean, he’s been in a cell every day this week, officers are starting to ask questions.”

“What are you telling them?”

“That he’s a family member going through a lot, I’ve avoided him being charged over ten times, we need to sort this out.”

“I’ll sort it out.” Dean’s tone changed. “When does he get out?”

“Officially in twelve hours.”

“Unofficially?”

“Whenever.”

“How much would she freak if she woke up with him here?” Dean asked.

“No - hell no, she’s not, we’re not putting her through that, not throwing it on her in her state, no.”

“They need to talk we need to figure this out, we can’t carry on like this.”

“Y/N?” Claire shouted as she opened the door slamming it shut behind her. “Shit, is she okay?”

“Sleeping,” Jody informed her.

“You’re sure?” Claire took a few steps forwards.

“Completely.” Jody nodded. “Wake her up if you want but she’s out of it.”

“She’s okay?”

“Far from it,” Dean spoke for the first time. “She’s not.”

“What’s happened?” Claire asked.

“I’ll tell you later okay?” Jody’s hand rested on Claire’s forearm.

“Sure, is she okay though? Physically?”

“Yes.” Jody gave Claire a quick smile. “Both the babies and her are fine.”

-

Later was 5 days later, you were moved into your new place, Claire claimed the room closest to yours, Dean claimed the couch, more than one gun shoved under the couch and his pillow. With each day that went by since you’d seen Sam you slept less, a more restless sleep, you knew you needed to see him, you knew you needed your fiancé back, the love of your life back. But you could never have that not after what he’d done.

As the doorbell rang you flung the door open expecting to see the food delivery driver Frank. Sam stood in front of you in the same clothes he wore at the station. “Please, please can we talk?"

 


	4. I Hope She Was Worth it - Part 4

 

“Y/N, please let me explain, we need to talk.” Sam took a step forward, never stepping over the threshold of your apartment. “Please.”

“Sam I can’t do this, I can’t sit down and hear what you’ve done.”

“Five minutes please.”

“Sam-”

“I know I’ve fucked up, I’ve fucked up so badly, I’ve ruined us, I know I’ve lost you and our babies but please, please let me explain.”

Closing your eyes you took a deep breath, Sam’s eyes dropped to the floor he stayed still waiting for you to speak.

“Come in.”

“What?” His head snapped up his eyes wide as he looked at you.

“Come in before I change my mind.” Stepping aside you held the door open for him, he walked in awkwardly waiting in your living room. “When did you get out?” Asking as you shut the door.

“A few hours ago.” He still wasn’t properly looking at you. “I’m sorry, I’m disgusting, I stink.”

“Go shower.”

“What?” He finally looked at you.

“There’s a bathroom in my room, go shower, Dean has clothes here you can wear them.”

“Dean’s staying here?”

“Yes, so is Claire.”

“Are you sure I can shower here?” He gave a half smile.

“Yes, just go shower, Dean keeps some stuff in there.” You waved your hand about.

“Err which room?”

“Last one down the hall, bathroom is off it.”

“Thank you.” He gave you a quick smile before walking towards your bedroom.

“Wait Sam.”

“Yeah?” He turned on his heel to face you.

“Towels.” You walked towards the cupboard. “Here.” Handing him 2 towels, he gave you a small smile before disappearing into your bedroom.

-

Bursting into Claire’s room you slammed her door shut, your back resting against it you sunk to the floor.

“What? What is it? What’s happened?” She threw herself off the bed and knelt beside you. “What is it?”

“Sam.” Looking up at her you tried to catch your breath. “He’s here.”

“What? Where? I’ll kick his ass.” She stood before you quickly pulled her back down to you.

“No - no, he’s showering, I told him to wear Dean’s clothes.”

“You what? Wait you let him in?”

“Yeah.” Resting your head on your knees you felt her hand run across your shoulders.

“Do you want him gone because I’ll get him gone.”

“I don’t know, can you just stay here in case?”

“Sure, you know Dean will kick off when he gets back.”

“I know.”

“You’re really ready to have it out with him?”

“Claire that’s not what this, I don’t think it is.” You looked up at her. “I - just stay in here okay, if I need you I’ll call okay?”

“Sure, I’ll be ready gun loaded.”

“You put a hole in the wall you pay for it to be fixed.” Warning her you struggled to your feet,

“I won’t put a hole in the wall.” She held her hands up.

“Best not.”

“I’m here.” She whispered giving you a hug.

“Thank you.”

-

Walking out of her room you shut her door behind you, moving into the kitchen you flicked on the kettle. Swirling the tea bag around in your mug you looked up when your bedroom door opened, Sam ran his fingers through his damp hair, he was wearing Dean’s biggest shirt and jeans both of which were far too small for him.

“I left your towels on the rail.” He pointed behind him.

“Thanks.” Sitting down with the cup of tea in hand you watched Sam awkwardly linger in the kitchen. “Coffee is pretty fresh if you want a cup.”

“Erm, yeah that would be great thanks.” He busied himself in the kitchen pouring himself a mug of coffee, he walked back towards you his eyes never leaving you.

“Sit down.” You nodded towards the couch opposite you.

He sat across from you, his fingers flexed around the cup, his eyes never leaving you as he took in every inch of you, his eyes lingering on your barely there bump. “Are you okay?” He asked his eyes dropping briefly when you looked at him.

“Seriously?”

“Sorry I meant -”

“I know what you meant Sam, I’m fine, they’re fine.” Glancing down your hand ran over your stomach. “We’re fine.”

“Good, that’s good.” He nodded taking a sip of coffee.”

“Sam -”

“Okay, can I please explain.”

“Go ahead, explain why you threw our life away.”

“I don’t have a reason.”

“What? You don’t have a fucking reason?”

“Erm, no, there’s no reason.”

“You fucking asshole, you fucking dick.”

“Y/N please listen to me, there’s no reason, It was stupid, I was stupid, I had everything I had you, I don’t know-”

“I swear if you say you don’t know why I’ll actually hurt you, you have to know why, why wasn’t I enough? Why couldn’t you just stay with me, why did you have to go and …” Setting your cup on the coffee table you squeezed your hands together trying to stop them shaking. “Why wasn’t I enough?”

“You were, you are.”

“I obviously wasn’t Sam.”

“Baby please.” He reached forwards his hand resting on your arm.

Pulling your arm away from him you instantly recoiled, your palm connected with his cheek, his hand flying up to the rapidly forming red spot.

“Don’t, don’t baby me.”

“I’m sorry.” He sat back on the couch. “I didn’t mean to.”

“You didn’t mean to do a lot of things.”

“Y/N.”

Standing up you took a deep breath. “Sam I really don’t think I can do this.”

He stood up, his hand reaching out for you before thinking better of it, his hand returning to his pocket. “Please.”

“Sam, you can’t tell me why because you don’t know If you don’t know why you slept with another woman I can’t look at you or even talk to you.”

“Y/N -”

“Did you even love me?” Looking at him you wiped the tears from your cheeks.

“Of course I did, I still do, I love you so much.”

“How long Sam?”

“What?”

“How long was it going on for?”

“Four months.” His eyes dropped as he spoke.

“Four… four months?” You sat back down trying to move further away from him. “Do I know her?”

“What?”

“It’s not a hard question Sam, do I know her?”

“You’ve met her yes.”

As the words left his lips your stomach dropped. You knew her, you’d met her, you’d faced the woman your fiance thought was so much worthier than you, prettier, smarter, so much better than you. Squeezing your eyes shut you had to cover your face trying to put an extra barrier between your eyes and Sam. “I’m going to regret asking this I know I am, but who?”

“Y/N, are you sure?”

Closing your eyes you took a deep breath. “Just tell me who, if you can’t tell me why at least tell me who.”

“Eileen.”

“What?” Your head snapped up, your eyes wide as you looked at him.

“Eileen.” He repeated.

Covering your mouth with your hand you tried to suppress the urge to throw up. It wasn’t happening, running to the bathroom you fell to your knees in front of the toilet bowl, tears streaming down your face as you rested your forehead on your arm across the toilet bowl. Your hair was pulled back from your face and a hand ran down your back as another wave hit you. As the fog on your brain cleared you realized the hand was too big to be Claire’s, slapping your hand behind you Sam’s hands remained on you. “Get off me.”

“Y/N at least let me help you up.”

“Get off me.” You repeated stronger this time, Sam’s hand released your hair first, your head fully resting on your forearm now. His hand on your back was gone too, slumping to the side you waited to hit the cool tile, you were jolted when Sam’s hands stopped you from hitting the floor. Closing your eyes you relaxed as soon as your side rested against the bathroom floor. Sam’s hand moved from your side and head to your wrist. You were too tired to even care anymore, too tired to care that Sam was still here, all you cared about was peace and sleep.

“Y/N.” Sam’s free hand shook your shoulder as his fingertips checked your pulse.

Opening your eyes you blinked up at him. “Go away.”

“No, fuck no.” He sat forwards leaning over you. “Y/N look at me, don’t be stubborn just look at me.” He begged his fingertips never leaving your wrist.

Looking at him you got even angrier. “What?”

“How do you feel?”

“Like I want to puke, sleep and eat all at once, guess what Sammy welcome to pregnancy.” Sighing your head fell back, Sam’s palm cushioning the blow against the tile. “Stop being perfect, just stop.” You tried to look away but shut your eyes again instead.

“What can I do?”

“Fuck off, that would help a lot.”

“Seriously what can I do?”

“Fuck off, that’s what you can do.”

“Y/N.”

  
“Water.” Giving in you felt his hand gently lower your head onto the tiles.

“Right I’ll get you some water.” You listened as he got up and left you alone on the bathroom floor. “Here.” Sam knelt over you, placing a bottle of water in front of you.

“Thanks.” Sighing you blindly reaching out for it.

“Here, sit up.” Sam’s hands were on your shoulders. You didn’t fight him as he helped you sit up, your back resting against the tub, he placed the bottle in your hand. “Drink.”

Bringing the bottle to your lips you took a few small sips, still fighting the urge to throw up again.

“You okay?” Sam sat next to you his knees pulled up to his chest, watching every move you made.

Resting your head back against the lip of the tub you closed your eyes again, putting the water bottle down at your side. “No, no I’m not, how can I be okay Sam, how the fuck do you expect me to be okay?”

“I don’t.”

“Even If I wasn’t pregnant, do you think I’d just let this slide? That I’d forgive you in the drop of a hat?”

“No, of course, I don’t.” He sighed.

“Then leave me alone.” Your head hit the tub again as you let it fall.

“Y/N.”

“Sam stop.” You sighed. “Stop trying to explain it away or try covering up your lies.”

“I’m not trying to right now, I’m worried about you.” His fingers moved hair out of your face.

“I’m fine.”

“Sure, if anyone walked in on a woman who was what, how many weeks are you?”

“Twelve.”

“Nice to know.” His fist clenched beside him. “If anyone found a woman who was twelve weeks pregnant lying on the floor they’re going to help.”

“I don’t need any help.”

“You do at least let me call Jody or let me go get Claire.”

“She went out earlier I heard the door shut, Sam I’m fine.” Sliding down the side of the tub your cheek rested on the cold tiled floor.

“Y/N you’re not.” His hands slipped around your waist sitting you back up, pulling you into his arms he carried you back into your room, gently placing you onto your bed, the sheets were cool from having the window open all day.

Sighing you settled into the sheets closing your eyes you listened as Sam moved around the room shutting your window and closing your curtains. All you wanted was for Sam to leave you alone, yet in the same second, you wanted to be wrapped up in his arms.

“Sam.” You opened your eyes, he was by the door ready to leave your room.

“Yeah?”

“Come here.” Holding your hand out to him you shuffled backwards on your bed.

“What?”

“Come here.” Your hand fell to the empty space next to you. “Just get in.”

“What happened to me fucking off?”

“Please just -”

“Okay.” He walked towards your bed crawling in next to you he kept his distance.

Moving closer towards him you threw your arm over his waist, he moved then his arms wrapping around you holding you close to his chest, his lips rested on your forehead as he squeezed you gently.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered as you closed your eyes again listening to his heartbeat.

“What are you doing?” Dean hissed.

You were semi-awake, you kept your eyes closed hoping you could quickly fall asleep again.

“Shut up.”

“No, what happened because there’s no way in hell she would have just let you get in bed with her.”

“Shh.”

“No, up now, outside.” You felt Sam shift next to you, his warmth leaving you as you rolled over slightly resettling in the pillows.

“What are you doing? Seriously what happened with you two? Why are you even here?” Dean growled.

“Seriously shut up you’ll wake her up Dean.”

“I won’t, just explain now.”

“We talked, she’s confused.”

“Then why the hell were you in bed with her?”

“She asked.”

“Sure she did.” Dean scoffed.

“She did, when she wakes up you ask her, she’s all over the place but she wanted me there.”

“Sam you’re fucking her up, you need to fucking stop.” Dean’s voice grew louder.

Sitting up you pulled your jumper even tighter around your waist, throwing your legs over the side of the bed you stood up silently walking into the living room to diffuse the situation with the boys before it got worse.

“Why are you getting so involved in this? It has literally nothing to do with you.” Sam snapped taking a step towards his brother finger pointed at his face.

“Nothing to do with me? Sam, she’s my best friend, she’s family It has everything to do with me, you’ve hurt her, you ripped her heart out and now you’re just messing her about.”

“No, I’m not.” Sam snapped.

“You’re not? Sure you’re not, you fucking idiot.” Dean’s hand clenched at his side grabbing Sam’s collar his fist collided with his brother’s nose. One punch set off a full-blown fight between the two, neither caring if they broke anything around them only focusing on hurting each other.

“Guys. Stop.” Walking towards them Sam delivered another blow to Dean’s cheek causing him to stagger backwards, Dean’s eyes locked with yours Sam took the distraction to attack Dean again.

Reaching out your hand touched Sam’s shoulder in the same second his arm reared back ready to punch Dean, his elbow connected with your head sending you staggering backwards. You felt yourself falling, you felt the pain shoot through you as you hit something hard and the darkness overtook you.

 


End file.
